Thursday, January 29, 2009

Buddy, Etruscan



My dog, Buddy, as far as I can determine, is Etruscan. There are all sorts of remnants of lost civilizations around. Why not Buddy? Like the Etruscans, Buddy's genetic origins are unknown. The Etruscans were believed by some to be autochthonous. This means (roughly) they were indigenous to wherever they happened to be. Etruscans themselves seem unforthcoming. When pressed, they might casually drop a hint that they were displaced Lydians and apparently no one thought to say "Lydia must be lovely at this time of year" to find out anything useful, like what was wrong with Lydia. If I know ancient people (and I do know some pretty ancient people) I would bet my last dollar that there were also Etruscans who wouldn't shut up about where they were from. If you ducked behind an obelisk they would find you because they had nothing better to do than to walk around obelisks and tell you how much 'nicer' the drainage sluices were behind their old homes. There are legends of a great hardship in which the Lydian king sent half of his starving population away in ships- with mild encouragements to write when they found breakfast. Despite there being nothing left to divide between the remaining Lydians they thought it made perfect sense to have greater portions of it.
For nearly a thousand years, you could not even step into a toga without finding it lousy with Etruscans. Then just as suddenly as they arrived, they vanished, leaving Etruscan-shaped indentations in the sofa, Etruscan teeth-marks in the quiche, and Etruscan shaped holes in the doors. I'm sure their unencouraging smiles drifted through many a landlord's nightmare after that. Sometimes Buddy has just that Etruscan smile, like a gassy baby.
Afterwards it was found that they had managed to sneak a word or two into our vocabulary which we later discovered- like napkin-wrapped hors d'oeuvres behind our cushions. 'Tavern' is from them, as are 'cistern' and 'persona'. Film buffs might recall that "Persona" was a film by Ingmar Bergman, a story of two isolated women who slap each other and swap mental illnesses. It is distinguishable from the same director's "Through A Glass Darkly" in that the crazy lady in the latter film erroneously believes that she has seen God who is an enormous spider. What she has seen is a helicopter which is an easy mistake to make. One hoped when she subsequently clambered into the helicopter, she might have questioned whether God should have so many knobs and switches, but Bergman always ended his movies just when they were about to get fun. I digress.
Etruscan women were said to shave their bodies and bleach their hair. Buddy departs from the typical Etruscan in that regard. Etruscans were also said to be indiscriminate and would copulate in public with both sexes. That's a little more Buddy.
Every morning Buddy wakes me up by licking my eyeballs. I must appear dead to him. (When he holds a spoon to my nose, I'll know he's eyeing my stuff.) Similarly, when a Pope dies, the Secretary of State for Vatican City hammers on the dead pope's head three times shouting his given name. This makes sure the pope is not faking to get out of an audience with the Junior League of Weehauken or Pam Dawber. Hammering on the skull is a remnant, as is the pope's coiled staff, of the Etruscans, but when I look to my sources to find how it is Etruscan, they mumble and fidget.
Buddy likes to dig holes and coincidentally Etruscans popularized burial. The least contentious use of burial, as we know, was for the deceased. In fact the legacy of the Etruscans is in their tombs. Their civilization is the items that graverobbers considered hardly worth carrying off. This of course makes us think how we'll be defined by milky VHS cases and hairy knit caps and bottles of Christmas tree preservative. We are far too anxious about how we will be remembered. Personally, I'd like to be pounded into currency and circulated in small denominations.
To conclude, for insurance purposes Buddy is not a pit-bull. He is Etruscan.

Monday, January 26, 2009

My own damn sport


There is a time in a man's life when no recognized participatory sport will have him and he must invent his own. I am at that juncture.
I am a hobbyhorser.
"That doesn't even exist," you exclaim.
"On the contrary," I say, galloping about you upon my steed. "Hobbyhorsing is a venerable sport."
"Quit poking at me, jerk," you ask.
Yes. I will tell you the history. Of course alot has changed since the sport's inception in 1908. The hobbyhorsing uniforms of those days are laughable by todays standards, but almost everything seems funny today. Something seems to have gotten into us. At the turn of the century there was virtually no safety equipment available for the casual hobbyhorsist. Gorings were numerous... in the number narrowly averted. This haphazardness forced women to be relegated to the role of spectators, and rarely even that. Women were permitted into the sport in 1927 but were required to hobbyhorse side-saddle.
Hobby-horses were, of course, used in olden times (as we call them today) by the French (as we call people who live in France). Let's go back into history and take a look. Oh, not that far. We can imagine that cave-men might have domesticated the stick prior to domesticating horses but then we would have to ask what it was they thought they were doing when they put a stick between their legs, wouldn't we? Let's just scooch up to 15th century France. These stalwart early hobbyhorsers were self-appointed 'alongside-followers' and would attempt to 'up-hurry' laggers and fatties. Hobby-horses also show up in an early English engraving in which we see what looks to be a mob of Morris Dancers encouraging a lone hobbyhorser with decapitation.
Today's hobbyhorsers consider the racing from one's current spot to an entirely separate spot in time or space jejune. One's hobbyhorsemanship is not based on distance, competence or uninsaneness, but solely centers around one's cavorts. While it is possible for even a novice to score high marks for capriciousness and vagrancy, most newcomers quickly run out of ideas. There is nothing sadder than a limp steed gradually slipping down to some immobile, gape-mouthed hobbyhorseman or woman's ankles.
And while our loping might seem aimless.
Another thing that attracts me to this sport is that it offers little in the way of calamities and catastrophes. The worst thing a hobbyhorser can get is stomp-foot. Thigh-chap is almost unheard of these days- partially due to the fact that when the straddle-barrier was broken for lady hobbyhorsers new rules permitted the introduction of a looser seat. Purists decried what they described as the untightening of the strictures of straddling, pointing out that some people hardly touch their horse, and until they finish their horse, no dessert.
There were, for a number of years, two competing hobbyhorsing organizations- the National Hobbyhorsers International and the American Hobbyhorsing Association which for a time was sponsored by the beef spread Bovril until Bovril denied this.
The former sanctioned developments in the stick-mounts such as aluminum bodies that were said to enhance aerodynamic efficiency and rear end streamers which offset those gains. Today's steed would not recognize the primitive horse of old- they are as different as today's broom and the ridiculous brooms of yesteryear. The A.H.A. held fast against encroaching progress and eventually succumbed to the Nixon-era surge in popularity, led by notables such as (citation needed).
"But sport?" you might aver beneath your breath, "It's barely an activity."
"YOU'RE BARELY AN ACTIVITY!" I respond, winning eleventy points. And with my steed floating and flouncing between my legs I ride off, without traversing any distance whatsoever.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Purging


In my ongoing purge, I have given the Cheever oeuvre to Kyle who adores the downcast. I tried, and enjoyed his adept craft, but ultimately could not endure his mood. If I restock it will be the iconic orange/red paperback. I gave E.F. Benson's collected Lucia novels and "As I lay Dying" to Ken. "History and Its Images" to David. The rest...an enormous box of books.... well, 20 or so. .. I took to HPB for which I received $3.00 cash with which I bought a Dale Peck ("Hatchet Jobs") and Stephens' "The Crock of Gold". And who was lost and who was saved?
..
..
..
..
..
Au revoir, Simone de Beauvoir! (pictured....really)
Ta-ta, Yasunari Kawabata!
Blow, Malraux!
Scram, Michael Cunningham!
Begone, Michael Chabon!
Take a hike, John Updike!
Don't let the door hit you in the ass, Gunter Grass!

Crock


Maybe it's something of a palate cleanser. "Crock of Gold" by James Stephens (1882-1950) mainly concerns the fairies, satyrs and wee folk whose complex government seems to permit child abduction and theft. It is fey and dark simultaneously, fanciful but never twee.
From the book:
"All bodies grow around a skeleton. Life is a petticoat about death."
and
"A thought is a real thing and words are only its raiment; but a thought is as shy as a virgin; unless it is fittingly appareled, we may not look on its shadowy nakedness: it will fly from us..." (it continues thusly on p. 39)
and:
"The question naturally arises whether clothing is as unknown in nature as we have fancied? Viewed as a protective measure against atmospheric rigour, we find that many creatures grow, by their own central impulse, some kind of exterior panoply which may be regarded as their proper clothing. Bears, cats, dogs, mice, sheep and beavers are wrapped in fur, hair, fell, fleece or pelt so these creatures cannot by any means be regarded as being naked. Crabs, cockraoches, snails and cockles have ordered around them a crusty habiliment, wherein their original nakedness is only to be discovered by force... Clothing, therefore is not an art but an instinct and the fact that man is born naked and does not grow his clothing upon himself from within but collects it from various distant and haphazard sources is not any reason to call this necessity an instinct for decency." (p. 76)

My blue heaven

Joe Dallesandro

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

One of these things is not like the others

Ford Madox Ford, Joyce, Pound and (I believe) Galsworthy.

The answer? Only one was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature. Um.... Galsworthy. "Conrad said he was as hard as iron under a soft exterior and tenacious as a bulldog in spite of a carefully feigned pococurantism" (from Ford Madox Ford's delirious and wonderful "Portraits From Life"). Also "I had already recognized in him a certain queerness, a pixylike perversity" (for the melodramatic). And: "It used to seem almost a miracle that he could find his way about his own works while he was writing them, so frequently was he counseled by one person and another to change all the salient passages of his books".

Monday, January 12, 2009

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Don't ask


Dean Jones: He's looking for a cat-burgler
Suzanne Pleshette: That's ridiculous. Who would want to steal cats?

Pinter


"I might even show you my photograph album. You might even see a face in it which might remind you of your own, of what you once were. You might see faces of others, in shadow, or cheeks of others, turning, or jaws, or backs of necks, or eyes, dark under hats, which remind you of others, whom you once knew, whom you thought long dead, but from whom you will still receive a sidelong glance, if you can face the good ghost. Allow the love of the good ghost. They possess all that emotion... trapped. Bow to it. It will assuredly never release them, but who knows... what relief... it may give to them... who knows how they may quicken... in their chains, in their glass jars. You think it cruel... to quicken them, when they are fixed, imprisoned? No... no. Deeply, deeply, they wish to respond to your touch, to your look, and when you smile, their joy... is unbounded. And so I say to you, tender the dead, as you yourself would be tendered, now, in what you would describe as your life."
(Harold Pinter, No Man's Land, 1974. Words requested by the playwright to be spoken at his funeral)

I would love to do Pinter without pauses.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Fish films


The New York Times' Stanley Fish, of all people, has released his list of 10 all-time best American films. Showing remarkable restraint in not selecting a 13-minute documentary from 1924 on labor unease or "Killer of Sheep", he has instead opted to present a deliberately middle-brow list. Let's start by giving Fish a little bit of a break. We expect something idiosyncratic- something we wouldn't find in Bosley Crowther's heart of hearts. We expect that Fish will have done some judicious paring- this being the difference between a list and an inventory. We expect our tastes to be represented and suspect that we might become resentful if they are not but we are not entirely partisan. We don't expect "The Daily Worker" to gush about "The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie" the way we do when our more....urban friends are not supposed to be nearby. We expect that Fish has seen a large number of American films- we don't require him to have seen everything- the ability to rank films obviously would require less expertise than might be needed to... let's say... decide the ten most important developments in aeronautics.
However as we look at the list we have to wonder if Fish believes that it should require something greater than the ability to recall his own reactions.
There are so many endemic problems with establishing a hierarchy within such a vast archive of amorphous and dissimilar objects. Was "Steamboat Willie" more meaningful, more moving or more cinematic than "Long Day's Journey Into Night"? We've all tacitly (let's leave Kant out of this) agreed that there can be no objective value in art- so given the task of deciding which creative work exceeds the effects of all others- given the duty to select ten exceptional works from the entire history of this particular creative form- why does it seem that Fish abrogates all responsibility?
So Fish, we want a unique response....BUT we have expectations. "Citizen Kane" has been at the top of most such lists for decades. We expect it, or something very like it- a harbinger of modernism, the uncompromising vision of the true cinematic auteur. Fish's list is headed by "The Best Years of Our Lives", a mawkish WWII epic. This star-packed film, (if we count Dana Andrews) bested the sublime "It's a Wonderful Life" and Hitchcock's dark "Notorious" for Best Picture at the 1947 Academy Awards. Its reunion scene between Myrna Loy and Frederick March is about the only widely anthologized moment, but the film is often remembered for plucking the actor Harold Russell from obscurity, reminding us why we had obscurity in the first place. Russell, an actual double-amputee throws the film's particularly theatrical verisimilitude into disarray with his unconvincing performance as a double-amputee. Tellingly, this marks the first time a film with Teresa Wright was ruined by someone else. (Wright is the ubiquitous 40's ingenue whose excessive schoolgirlishness makes every Shirley Temple film look like "Krapp's Last Tape".) There are so many levels of required deception that one must engage to endure "The Best Years..." that watching it inexorably becomes about self-deceit.
You must ask whether Fish being moved by what could be most charitably be regarded as an unintegrated vision means that he isolates the power to manipulate viewers' emotions as the only valid effect produced by motion pictures. Well, what if emotional manipulation exists to achieve higher ends? Is it even possible to arouse the intellect without first registering upon the emotions?
What, after all, should be the aim of film? I suppose it varies from piece to piece, from artist to artist. It gets mighty complicated when you begin to dissect a particularly effective narrative and discover that it is not the result of a single design. How can we evaluate "The Third Man" when the idea came from Korda, the script from Greene, the direction Reed, the music Karas, and the speech on the ferris wheel Welles?
"The Third Man" is emotionally effective though Graham Greene considered it primarily an action film padded with dialogue. It also is a brilliant study in morality, an analysis of love, a dissection of literary celebrity, a history lesson, a detective thriller and a celebration of, and indictment of allegiance. Let's say that the result is a consistent, controlled amalgam of writing, performance, and technical skills producing a coherent narrative (within whatever logical boundaries it decides to make apparent to us). What is its value as a singular work of art? The complexity and variety of one's responses should have some sort of numerical value shouldn't it?
Not so fast! What about "Norbit"? Who can enumerate the countless levels and types of revulsion? "The Third Man" is a British film (mostly) but if the lachrymal melodramas on Fish's list, like 'Shane" eventually invite more exegesis by their ambiguities, does that give them an edge over films that have more readable emotional landscapes? Is that what he is getting at? Could someone ask him?
What else is on the list? Though Fish relies mostly on things from his tender youth, (even singling out the melodramatic moments in such lighter musical fare as "Meet Me in Saint Louis" to justify that inclusion) he has also included the Ramis/ Murray film "Groundhog Day", a light comedy based on a sort of stoner's existential concept which I won't go into. Let's just say it has more holes than Bonnie, Clyde and their goth kid Seth. Its appearance here as the sole comedy (to the exclusion of great screwball comedies "Bringing Up Baby", "The Awful Truth", "My Favorite Wife", and "His Girl Friday" or anything by Capra, Wilder Lubitsch and Sturges or even Fields, Chaplin and Allen) suggests that he expects us to regard all such lists as ephemeral, and his admiration easily given when the subject doesn't really matter much. This can only reinforce the suspicion that Fish does not respect film but enjoys it when it does what he permits it to do.
Part of the point of these lists is to put an ugly girl in with the pretty ones to teach us a lesson about surface beauty. Top Ten lists thrive on citing the inevident, it is the stock in trade of all music, art and film critics to find an obscure moment far worthier than a heralded moment. Doing so naturally implies a depth of knowledge and experience. If a critic's greater exposure has given him a larger sample from which to choose, how can the viewer of one or two films a year deny that there might be more charm in the collateral plot, the oblique emotion or the muddied dialogue? And if critics pretend to have no pre-conceptions, if they accept all finished products as contenders, they necessarily imagine that approving the well-regarded means they have not looked hard enough.
Most critics mix their lists like home-made salad dressing: 50% oil (the well-regarded) 40% vinegar (the obscure) and 10% spice (the things even their friends can't disguise their contempt for). Groundhog Day" is rocky road ice-cream in the recipe. It is not by any definition, not even by Fish's, one of the ten greatest works in American cinema. Wasn't Andie MacDowell still being dubbed by English speaking actresses then?
I do not mean to suggest that competent critics pander to their readers by offering them what they expect nor do I suggest following the above recipe (I buy Wish-bone). I also would never dream of suggesting that a body of critical response should dictate all future critical response. I've never made it through any "Godfather" nor to my knowledge any entire Scorcese film. I would never suggest to find a film superior to Citizen Kane is to dismantle the values of our forefathers. I'll be the first to argue that "Citizen Kane" has almost outlived its usefulness as the film equivalent of Ulysses or Demoiselles D'Avignon (and if pressed even that Picasso has almost outlived his usefulness as Picasso- but just leave Joyce be for now). Even though Welles' methods and manners have become familiar: the Rube Goldberg concatenation of lines, the switchback propulsion, the tonal and aural depth which define its visceral and quasi-intellectual thrills, the film still produces those thrills. It does so with a surprising economy, unlike the turgid epics of recent years. As it ages though, those pleasures are increasingly undercut by the inept performances which have become harder to ignore: the cast often bent and tremulous, clad in age-make-up so poor that it reminds one of an elementary school "Death of a Salesman"- their earnest radio drama line-readings. The film must also suffer as a paradigm of the disjointed nature of truth when its own artifice is so false- and must pall as a model of the destruction of hagiography when later study shows that -whereas Welles selected a perfectly loathsome target in Hearst, Hearst was a monster for reasons entirely ignored in the story of Kane (and the attacks on the widely admired Marion Davies were gratuitously mean-spirited.)
These are opinions that have evolved as the art-form has evolved. The art-form can never evolve enough to make "Groundhog Day" great.

"Sunset Boulevard" and "Double Indemnity" are on the list. These are both films I admire. I can just imagine what these dark, cynical but worldly romances speak to in Fish. Surely there is no more menacing affection on film than that between Stanwyck and MacMurray, but no one gets out of either of these love stories alive or sane. Possibly that's their appeal. At least they brook no chance of sequels though I'd like to think that someone pitched Max and Norma's return in "Sunset Boulevard Day Care". "Triple Indemnity" with Edward G. Robinson? ("See... I took out a policy that pays triple if these two kill each other after killing the original policy holder. I'm putting it all in Flubber"). What of the other great dark romances? Scripts from which at least one person emerges or in which both survive but in less than idyllic bliss? "Casablanca", "The Big Sleep", "The Maltese Falcon"? Even for the love of Jesus "The Philadelphia Story"?
Fish responds best to complex relationships and their complicated geometries, with his citing of "Red River", of "Raging Bull" and never more so than with his selection of "Vertigo", an easily detestable film featuring a woman named Kim Novak who appears to be constantly winded from failing to scintillate while hunching. Fish revels in the complicated "he manipulates me through her so I manipulate her" plot and singles out Novak for praise as he did Russell, the dead-eyed leaden middles that drag these long slogs down. If he likes complicated relationships why doesn't he consider "Chinatown", (was Faye Dunaway her own mother? What was that? Parthenogenesis? ) or the delightfully monstrous "The Little Foxes"?
That Fish gives us a list of movies we already know as opposed to things he wishes us to search out seems to cast aspersions upon more deliberately erudite Top Ten Film lists- lists that might rely heavily on films whose hypothetical later discussion could possibly inform areas of neglected plight: the plights of black Appalachian sommeliers or Hurricane ZsaZsa orphans (they have to use Z at some point). I'm all for giving a leg-up to the ladderless masses, but I suspect, today on the intersections of despair and degradation, you are more likely to have gaggles of ragged production assistants than orphans chase you down the street for change.
I've long believed that the more 'subversive' the publication that employs the critic the more recondite the list. It's not a perfect formula but I'm working on it. A critic in some ways is always assembling a simulacrum of himself- as automatically as he might name his 5 senses. After all, how can any man live his life without imagining the world is just himself, disassembled? The entireity contains the top ten facets of the list-maker's personality. This allows the list-maker to illuminate the aspects of his personality that are so nuanced that no one else has ever seen them. He does this by selecting films that illustrate such nuances in a manner which he presumes is invisible to nearly everyone. The small signs of heroism or despair strike some inner resonance, and the less evident they are the more acknowledging them gives hope that one's own quiet gestures can make a difference.
Fish stresses the piquant buried within the mundane. This is certainly understandable. But how uninteresting must the bulk of the thing be to make those interesting moments worthwhile? If I have been numb for 110 minutes only to find, in two fabulous minutes Mickey Rooney popping out of Victor Buono's stomach and running around the spaceship, I am not likely to forget the earlier pain I endured. But maybe that's me. I am such an ideal candidate for brainwashing, I usually consider the first 20 minutes of every film I see the greatest thing I've ever seen. "Oh my god! I love this! 'The Dukes of Hazzard' is the best mov...." and then minute 21 hits. Maybe it's my metabolism. Pauline Kael must have been built like a Galapagos turtle.
I suppose what is most provoking is how Fish discards the evolutional narrative of film by ignoring its touchstones, ignores the scope of film by wallowing within the major studio projects, and ignores the social utility of film by ranking excellence by his own responsiveness- and does this without admitting that he is doing it.
I suppose it could have been worse. Thank god they screwed Manny Farber's lid tight.