The Abbess of Crewe

 “I dare say,” says the Abbess. ‘““This is a sad hour for a England in these, the days of her decline. All this public uproar over a silver thimble, mounting as it has over the months. Such a scandal could never arise in the United States of America. They have a sense of proportion and they understand Human Nature over there; it’s the secret of their success. A realistic race, even if they do eat asparagus the wrong way.

That Religion is founded on principles of Paradox. That Paradox is to be accepted and presents no Problem. That electronic surveillance (even if a convent were one day to practise it) does not differ from any other type of watchfulness, the which is a necessity of a Religious Community; we are told in the Scriptures “to watch and to pray,” which is itself a paradox since the two activities cannot effectively be practised together except in the paradoxical sense. 

But, Gertrude, we’re having a lot of trouble with Felicity. The life of the Abbey of Crewe is at stake, Gertrude.” 

“The salvation of souls comes first,” says Gertrude’s husky voice. ““The cannibals are to be converted to the faith with dietary concessions and the excessive zeal of the vegetarian heretics suppressed.” 

“What puzzles me so much, Gertrude my love, is how the cannibals will fare on the Day of Judgment,” Alexandra says cosily. “Remember, Gertrude, that friendly little verse of our childhood: It’s a very odd thing...As odd as can be...That whatever Miss T. eats... Turns into Miss T... . 

 Repeat that to the reporter, if you please, and if there are any more telephone calls from outside please say we've retired for the night.” 

“What will they make of that?’”’ Mildred says. “It sounds awfully charming.” 

“They'll make some sort of a garble,” says the Abbess. “Garble is what we need, now, Sisters. We are leaving the sphere of history and are about to enter that of mythology. Mythology is nothing more than history garbled; likewise history is mythology garbled and it is nothing more in all the history of man. Who are we to alter the nature of things? So far as we are concerned, my dear Sisters, to look for the truth of the matter will be like looking for the lost limbs, toes and fingernails of a body blown to pieces in an air crash.” 

The English Catholic bishops will be furious at your citing Milton,” says Walburga. 

“It’s the Roman cardinals who matter,” says the Abbess, “‘and I doubt they have ever heard of him.”